Jet ter Laan has love for the child and the parent. She now summarizes this in her role as parent counselor at Zigzag, where she responds to the needs of parents of care-intensive children.

For Jet it was logical: if you are talking about the needs of the care-intensive child, you also have to look at the parents. Because every parent has their own story behind it. And that story directly affects the child. “That circle was obvious to me. I have love for the child, for the profession and for the parent. My background is in the hospital where I worked as a pediatric nurse. Through a number of detours I retrained and started working in families with children who need special attention. By working in a home situation you automatically come into contact with the parent and my affinity for them has grown enormously.”

Attention to parents

Jet started at Zigzag as a replacement for a colleague who was on sick leave and discovered how professionally all (paediatric) nurses and pedagogical staff worked. Zigzag is a nursing and specialized daycare center for children aged 0 – 4 years. They offer various types of care for children with a chronic or long-term illness who need just that little bit of extra care and attention. In addition, Zigzag also offers outpatient nursing and pedagogical care for children aged 0-18.

The level within Zigzag is high and Jet wondered: what will happen to the parents? “Within a regular daycare it is not 'normal' that someone is made available to take care of the parents. Nevertheless, I worked hard for that, because Zigzag is a specialized day care. They are children who have all been through something, so also the parents. They have not known a pink cloud that they had hoped for. When my colleague came back, I said: could we examine that older piece? Is there a need, does it work, does it work financially, is it supported by the staff? We ran pilots and now it's official. I am very happy with that”, says Jet enthusiastically.

Which emotion belongs where?

The starting point of parent guidance is always a concern. This comes from the parent himself, from colleagues or, for example, a doctor. If parents like to talk and there is reason to do so, Jet starts with a home visit. “That is a safe setting for parents. They have to go to hospitals and agencies so often,” explains Jet. “I will first check whether there is indeed something going on and whether I am the one who has to supervise it. If so, we'll make a plan that we'll work on. And I come to the parents' house weekly, or just what the agreement is. I try to put myself in the head of the parents and see through their eyes. Who are they, who is your child and what happens during the interaction between you and your child? Which part of the emotion belongs to you as a parent and which part belongs to the child? That's what I find most interesting; which piece is hit? Then you can say to the parents: that is yours, so shall we take a look at it?”

Jet always tries to look for the deeper layer behind the care question. For example, a mother found it complicated to deal with her daughter who has a developmental delay. She said: I think my daughter is so 'pathetic'. That word immediately triggered Jet, because a word like pathetic in this case is not about the child, but about the mother. “Then you dig and it turns out that the mother has experienced something in her past that made her come up with the survival strategy pathetic. Her daughter touched that part.”

For all parents

Jet can well refute the discussion that parent guidance causes. “It is always about the child. All eyes are on the child. And the older one? For me it is unity. In fact, a parent who is well heard and seen gets more room to hear and see his own child well. Some parents think: I don't need guidance after all. But why not? Consider yourself important enough. The first conversation is always exciting. For me too."

Jet is there for all parents within Zigzag. In addition, it can also be used in families with children who need extra care, who are older than four and who are not on Zigzag. She does not mean to say that all parents need it. “Listening carefully and just 'being there' works wonders. Ultimately, it is about the parent taking steps themselves. The fact that I can be a little radar in that process is fantastic,” says Jet.