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Experiences of healthcare professionals

Read stories and experiences of people who are committed to improving pediatric palliative care in the Netherlands in a special way. Interviews about the profession, special encounters and exciting developments. You can also read books with experiences of others.


Experiences of healthcare professionals
“I want to make it visible that the death of a child also happens”

“I want to make it visible that the death of a child also happens”

In the section 'Passion for the profession' we ask (care) professionals what drives them to commit themselves to pediatric palliative care. This time the floor is given to Floortje Agema, mortuary employee at the Radboud University Medical Center. In addition to her work in the mortuary, Floortje is also a writer, organizes World Lights Day in Nijmegen, gives training in the field of grief and has a small practice for grief and loss counseling.

Which case from the past motivates you to this day to commit to pediatric palliative care?

“I think motherhood is my biggest motivator. Every time I deal with a child in the morgue, the mother in me also wakes up. I know how precious it is to have children. That also influences the care I provide. For example, we never use words like 'the child' or 'your deceased child'. We just use the first name. I remember very well that a girl whose parents I received died. I called the girl by her name and said, “There are your mommy and daddy.” Years later I met the mother at a conference. She said, “I couldn't quite remember what your face looked like, but I can still hear how lovingly you said her name.” This case is not necessarily what motivates me, but it does illustrate that my own motherhood brings me a lot to this work. I believe that all the love we put into caring for deceased children is not in vain.

In addition, the loss of a child has bothered me for a long time. I only discovered later that this may have something to do with the fact that my grandmother lost her first child. That had a lot of impact on her. I once read a note from her in which she wrote how difficult that was for her, partly because of how the environment reacted to it. This is something that subconsciously motivated me to highlight the loss of a child.”

How do you maintain the balance between being sufficiently involved and yet keeping sufficient distance?

"This work is not something that everyone can do or keep up for a long time. You have to be very involved, but it should also not be the case that those close to you get the feeling that I am having a hard time. Because I am there for them. not about me. You do indeed have to find a balance between being involved and calm and keeping your distance. When parents come in with a baby in their arms, it affects me, but it should not be the case that it bothers me for a long time. People people sometimes say that you shouldn't take this work home with you, but I don't agree with that! I believe that if you let it get close and ensure that you can deal with it, you can do your job better than when you shield yourself. We also have to talk about this with each other at work. You have to be able to be there for yourself, but also for each other. When I see that a child has been brought in with the age of the son or daughter of one of my colleagues, then I send a message to ask how things are going. You know that this can have an impact. It would be strange if that were not the case.”

How did you end up in pediatric palliative care?

“My mother died while I was studying chemistry. Of course that shaped me. This has made me realize that there is more to life than 'the head'. I was quite a student, I was always busy learning. I did finish my studies, but I felt that I wanted to work more with my heart. That is why I trained as a ritual counselor many years later. I worked as a ritual counselor for six years. I also had an office job at the Radboud University Medical Center. Actually, just after I quit this job, I met the head of the mortuary at a New Year's reception at a crematorium. When we started talking, it turned out that they had a vacancy. That's how I ended up in the morgue.”

What is your next step in pediatric palliative care?

“I believe that we can make a difference with the children's stretcher*. We have made significant progress and managed to generate a lot of media attention. Yet, as far as we know, not one child stretcher has yet been purchased. So apparently even more is needed to get the child stretcher into the morgues. There were so many reactions from people who liked it, from both professionals and parents who have lost their child. So the story really hits home. Yet nothing happens. Possibly because the wallet has to be tightened, or hospitals say that they do not often have to deal with the death of a child. We would prefer to have the child stretcher at Radboud idle in the refrigerator for a year. Every time it has to be used is one too many. But it matters a lot if he is there when needed. I would like to somehow make room in my working time to pay attention to these kinds of things. You have to be able to invest a lot of time in this and we are of course primarily there to care for our patients and their loved ones and not to do this on the side. That takes up a lot of free time.

I also think that we should pay much more attention to death and the care surrounding death. Make it visible that the death of a child also happens and that we should be able to talk about it with each other. I also believe that there should always be room for brothers and sisters. You have to be careful that you don't just treat your brothers and sisters as if they are very pathetic. It is very terrible what they are experiencing, but I strongly believe that it is important to continue to tap into the power of the family and involve them. I do this, for example, by asking them to choose a colored blanket for their brother or sister. What we see here is that every child wants to be taken seriously, because they sense perfectly that something is going on. They want to belong and see what's happening. Otherwise they will feel alone and will not dare to ask their questions. Children then make their own impression of what someone looks like and that image often does not match reality. As a mortuary we have a role in this.”

* In 2021, Floortje was in the news several times together with Wendy Marsman to draw attention to a special children's stretcher. At the moment, the mortuaries only have stretchers for adults or small babies, except in Radboud. This means that children who were still in a crib at home are placed on a large stretcher. A specially made child stretcher eases the suffering of parents, say Floortje and Wendy in an article by Omroep Gelderland , because it shows the mortuary that they realize it is a child. They are not yet done with their mission to get a child stretcher into every morgue.

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