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Research into information needs of the terminally ill parent and the child

Fleur Sterk graduated as a pedagogue at the end of September. Under the supervision of Meggi Schuiling-Otten of the Dutch Center of Expertise in Children's Palliative Care and Miranda Smit-van Keulen of deMoppies.com as clients, Fleur researched for her graduation project which information and tools parents who die and their partners need for their child between the ages of three and three. and twelve years old. Together we look back on a successful research project.

Dealing with grief and loss

Fleur's interest in grief and loss counseling started during her internship as a Medical Pedagogical Caregiver: “In the third year of my Pedagogy study, I did an internship at the children's ward of the Flevoziekenhuis in Almere. There I ended up in situations where the child was diagnosed with a certain disease or parents were going to lose their child. I didn't really know how to react to that or how to deal with it. As a result of my internship, I started following the minor 'professionally dealing with grief and loss' at Hogeschool Utrecht in the fourth year. Actually, that is where the interest arose to do more with this subject during graduation.”

“You have to involve children very much”

Scientific research shows that children find it important that they are involved in the death of a loved one. This is also apparent from Fleur's research: “Based on literature research, I conducted interviews with parents whose partner had died, children whose parent had died, and with two professionals who regularly provide guidance. It became clear from all the interviews that you have to involve children very much in the entire process of the sick parent. You have to be honest about what's going on. We sometimes underestimate children in that respect. One of the children interviewed indicated that she could sense everything that was going on, but no one told her. Not only did she feel she was not included, she also felt misunderstood and taken seriously. She suffered a lot from this, in the form of anger and tantrums.”

Information page deMoppies.com

The page “An terminally ill parent and the child” on the website deMoppies.com was created based on Fleur's research. This page explains how parents can take into account the age and developmental phases of a child when guiding the child. In order to involve the children more in the process of the sick parent, the website provides guidelines for conducting bad news conversations. This information and a variety of tips, books, and resources can be found at deMoppies.com.

“If it happens, there just have to be handles”

Fleur is happy that this page has come about: “I hope that it will get more attention and that it will become a bit easier to talk about it. It remains difficult, of course, because it should not happen, the death of a young parent, but if it does happen, there must be handles that are useful to a parent and that ultimately also benefit the child. Children need not feel left out or misunderstood if parents have the right knowledge in their hands. I hope that people will really benefit from the website and the information it contains.”

Information for healthcare providers

At the same time as Fleur Sterk's research, students from Saxion University of Applied Sciences investigated what information care providers need to guide children whose parent is terminally ill. This research can also be found on the website deMoppies.com as an information page.