Reasons cited include parents or families feeling unseen or unheard, and taboos that hinder discussion. Other reasons include healthcare providers not considering these topics as part of child and family care. These results and insights can be found in the report below and will later be translated into practical guidelines.

View the reports from the exploratory phase

Value dialogues: doctors discussing sensitive topics

Difficult topics such as "quality of life" and "suffering" often play a role in doctors' decisions regarding the care of seriously ill children. Open communication about these topics contributes to better care and support. Yet, in practice, this isn't always self-evident, and these topics often remain undiscussed.

That's why, together with the Royal Dutch Medical Association (KNMG), we're organizing four value dialogues in which doctors openly discuss difficult topics and ethical dilemmas. This way, we aim to shed light on what makes certain topics difficult to discuss, both among doctors and in discussions with children and parents. By engaging in dialogue, doctors become more aware of their own perspectives and those of their colleagues. This contributes to an open culture of discussion, creating space for reflection and better handling the dilemmas these topics entail.

Intended for deepening and inspiration

Value dialogues are intended to be both exploratory and in-depth and are not intended to lead directly to formal positions or solutions. They provide in-depth exploration of specific issues and serve as inspiration and focus for formulating next steps.

Talking picture
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A talking picture that invites conversation

To encourage discussion, a discussion board has been created. This tool was developed by experts with lived experience, parents, healthcare professionals, and researchers who feel connected to this topic.

Different rooms, different themes

The house contains several rooms, each with its own theme. These spaces can reveal themes and feelings that are often overlooked or tell stories that remain unsaid.

To invite

The house on the poster invites conversation, questions, and the unspeakable to be addressed. By looking together at the present and the future, we ask: what do you need? This helps parents feel supported and caregivers demonstrate their commitment. Participants decide for themselves what they want to show and discuss with the poster, ensuring that what needs attention is addressed.

Share your story

The chart will be further expanded in the coming period with stories and links to other relevant information. We invite parents and caregivers to view the chart and share their experiences of using it, so it becomes a helpful resource for everyone.

Help other parents, share your experience!

Your experience shows us what's going well and what could be improved, both at home and in the hospital. This way, you contribute to improving pediatric palliative care.

More information about the project

Ethische dilemma’s worden vaak als onbespreekbaar ervaren. Maar wat is een ethisch dilemma eigenlijk? Een ethisch dilemma is een soort tweestrijd, waarbij twee verschillende waarden botsen. Het kiezen voor de ene waarde (bijvoorbeeld autonomie/ eigen regie) gaat daarbij ten koste van de andere waarde (weldoen/ het goede doen). Een ethisch dilemma in de kinderpalliatieve zorg kan bijvoorbeeld de keuze zijn of een kind wel of geen levensverlengende ingreep/behandeling moet ondergaan. 

Het project ‘Het onbespreekbare bespreekbaar maken’ bestaat uit een drietal fasen: 

  1. Exploreren en prioriteren: verkrijgen van inzicht welke thema’s als onbespreekbaar worden ervaren en welke daarbij prioriteit hebben.
  2. Verdiepen: inhoud geven aan de onbespreekbaarheid en het verder verkennen van deze thema’s samen met stakeholders en belanghebbenden uit het veld. Door middel van interviews met ouders en waardendialogen met zorgprofessionals vanuit relevante beroepsverenigingen over kwaliteit van leven en kwaliteit van sterven. 
  3. Ontwikkelen van instrumenten en ondersteuning: de inzichten uit fase 1 en 2 gebruiken voor het ontwikkelen van passende handvatten die gezinnen en professionals met elkaar en onderling ondersteunen om het onbespreekbare op tafel te krijgen en hierover gemakkelijker met elkaar in gesprek te gaan, zoals de praatplaat. 

Het project is voortgekomen uit de dialoogtafels ‘Gaan voor de hoop met oog voor de beperkingen’ die tussen 2020 en 2022 zijn georganiseerd door het Kenniscentrum Kinderpalliatieve Zorg en stichting 2CU. Ouders van kinderen met een zeer ernstig verstandelijk meervoudige beperking (ZEVMB) en zorgprofessionals spraken over thema’s rondom kwaliteit van leven en sterven en de grenzen daaraan.

Deze waardevolle bijeenkomsten hebben meerwaarde laten zien om het gesprek aan te gaan met ouders over wat voor hen belangrijk is. En daarbij niet alleen aandacht te hebben voor het medische stuk maar voor het hele plaatje (holistische kijk). De ervaring is dat het ongemak om moeilijke kwesties te bespreken voor zowel ervaringsdeskundige ouders als zorgprofessionals belemmerend kan zijn.

Ervaren werd hoe belangrijk het is dat in alle openheid thema’s besproken kunnen worden en het onbespreekbare boven tafel kan komen. Daarom is besloten dit onderwerp als speerpunt terug te laten komen op de kennisagenda en het project op te nemen als onderdeel van maatschappelijke bewustwording binnen NPPZ II - Kind en Jongere. 

In dit project werken we nauw samen met ervaringsdeskundige ouders en zorgprofessionals. De projectgroep wordt gevormd door een ervaringsdeskundige ouder, ethicus, geestelijk verzorger en een onderzoeker in de kinderpalliatieve zorg. Het Kenniscentrum ZEVMB en de KNMG zijn betrokken bij de uitvoering van dit project en de verspreiding van inzichten en handvatten.

Het onbespreekbare bespreekbaar maken van onderwerpen rondom het ernstig zieke kind is één van de doelen van het Nationaal Programma Palliatieve Zorg II (NPPZ II). Het is een deelproject binnen het project maatschappelijke bewustwording over kinderpalliatieve zorg. Meer informatie vind je op:  

NPPZ II –Kind en Jongere

News about making the undiscussable discussable

Update 'Making the undiscussable discussable'

We want to make it easier for parents, young people and healthcare professionals to bring the unspeakable to the table.


One of the goals of NPPZ II - Child and Adolescent is to enable open discussions about incurable illnesses in children and young people. It also aims to facilitate discussions about the ethical dilemmas and issues associated with these issues, both in healthcare providers' offices and at home. In this update: five questions for Laura Ruitenburg, project leader of "Making the Undiscussable Discussible," which contributes to this process.

The project emerged from the "Going for Hope with an Eye for Limitations" dialogue roundtables organized between 2020 and 2022 by the Children's Palliative Care Knowledge Center and the 2CU Foundation. Parents of children with profound intellectual and multiple disabilities (ZEVMB) and healthcare professionals discussed topics related to the quality of life and death, and the limitations thereof. They learned how important it is to be able to discuss topics openly and to bring the unspeakable to the forefront. Therefore, it was decided to include this topic as a priority on the knowledge agenda and to include the project as part of social awareness within NPPZ II - Child and Adolescent .

What is the aim of the project?

We want to make it easier for parents, young people, and healthcare professionals to discuss the unspeakable. The ultimate goal is to know which care and support is appropriate for the child and family, and which isn't. Or, as co-initiator and experienced parent Sarike de Zoeten puts it: "Only when we dare to face the dark side of all these wonderful medical developments and acknowledge that life isn't always controllable can we start working on care and policies that can also properly support these children and their loved ones in all their facets. Because children who cannot get better also deserve our attention for a good life and a kind death."

What is unspeakable can be different for everyone.


What is non-negotiable?

"What's unspeakable can be different for everyone. Often, we think of topics related to death and end-of-life decisions." "That's not without reason, but we shouldn't equate unspeakability with that. Feelings of guilt about what caring for and grieving for your child means for other aspects of your life—siblings, your relationship with your partner, your personal development, or your career, for example—can also feel unspeakable," says Marije Brouwer, a researcher involved in the project. Laura Ruitenburg: "That's why the project group decided that within this project, we'll encompass the unspeakable across the entire spectrum of pediatric palliative care, from diagnosis to aftercare."

Who is involved?

The project group consists of participants who participated in the dialogue roundtables and parents who are involved with NPPZ II - Child and Adolescent as experts by experience. Throughout the project, we will use the participation matrix to determine when and how they can utilize their expertise. We hope to involve more healthcare professionals in the project so they can contribute their experiences based on their expertise. This includes nurses, doctors, childcare workers, and spiritual caregivers. Anyone who feels comfortable sharing their experiences is welcome. The project group will report to the steering committee.

In this way, we are jointly planting more and more seeds to further improve pediatric palliative care.


What will happen in the near future?

During this first phase of the project, the exploratory phase, the project group will explore what has already been described on the topic in the literature. Together with the scientific committee, we will examine the insights gained from other researchers and how we can interpret the theme. Parallel to this, we will gather feedback from parents, young people, and healthcare professionals on what is considered unacceptable and why.

Marije Brouwer: "That's why it's important to look at why the conversation is stalling; is it unfamiliarity, stigma, embarrassment, or is it, for example, because we're simply not always talking about the same things when we discuss topics like quality of life? Is something undiscussable because it's not being spoken, or is it being said but not heard?" Laura Ruitenburg: "We're exploring the best methods to explore this. For example, through a questionnaire or one-on-one interviews. Later, we want to ask focus groups for their ideas. Experiences from all perspectives are important in this regard: from mothers and fathers, and from people with diverse religious and cultural backgrounds."

What do you hope for?

I hope this project will lead to parents, young people, and healthcare professionals seeing and hearing each other more clearly, giving them the courage to raise issues. It will also create a sense of space for differing opinions. I envision us developing guidelines or methods that help guide the discussion of complex topics, creating greater consistency in the subject matter and a framework for action. To achieve this, it's important that we collaborate with other projects that also address ethical dilemmas and share common ground, such as the active euthanasia program for children aged 1-12 . In this way, we will collectively plant more seeds to further improve pediatric palliative care and ensure that the total result will ultimately be greater than the sum of its parts.


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